Everyone hates to be judged but everyone judges everyone else.

Thank you for giving me inspiration for an entry.

You tell me not to judge others for the way they behave or their age. Maybe not even their marital status. But I do. I judge others. I admit I am judgemental. I have my reasons to judge. Reasons that none of you would understand why.

My reasons are mine alone. It's a dark part of my life where even my parent's have no idea. It's a part of my life I share with enemies.

Some of you may or may not been through what I did. Some of you may or may not keep going through the same shit. But I do know I don't intend to let the same shit happen to me again. Something some people would never understand.

Once bitten twice shy they say. Defensive Mechanism I say. If I see traits similar to threats I once faced. I keep a safe distance. Trust is something I don't give easily to them.

Yeah. Meet them for fun. True, I met people for fun and then, shit happen. Call it paranoia. Maybe that is what I got left and that's what that keeps me safe.

Yes, I will judge and I will judge every single one of you. But then everyone calls it judgement. It should be Assessment.

Its ok if none of you understand because I don't expect anyone to understand. Not unless you were there where I was and been through what I had.

I know the movie X-Men Origins:Wolverine is coming out soon. I hope I get to see it. A big fan of Wolverine. Anyway since I'm also a big fan of Oakley products, I just recalled that Cyclops was wearing Oakley sunglasses.

All this while, I thought he was wearing Oakley Juliet


But I just realised I was wrong. There's another version which looks identical.

Oakley Penny (Cyclops version)



So can someone get one for me? It cost $700 on E-bay the last time I checked it. LoL~~!

As everyone would have know by now, I am currently unemployed. Recently got to know this lady and she asked me when I'm getting married? sooner or later? Seriously, I hate this question. Of course I plan to get married but obviously not any time soon.

First and foremost, I am single. Unattached. Free to mingle. Despite having interest in a particular person. It's just that. No more than that because at this very moment my relationship life is not certain. I have no idea when I'll be attached and with who even though I really hope its with that one particular person. With that person, it won't be soon because she don't intent to commit to any relationships at the moment and it seems there are quite a few guys interested in her. (ok yes I am jealous)

Secondly, I am unemployed. Marriage isn't cheap from where I am from. Average I believe is around 30k and being unemployed obviously I have no income and savings. That means no money. And that is if you think of it short term. The event itself.

But I go beyond that. So what if everyone gets all stressed up saving up for marriage itself? How about after the event? You need money to buy a house. Obviously you want the house to be furnished right? So you need money to buy furniture and do some renovations. But once you have your own house I'm sure you'll start to worry about your instalments and bills and other expenses like food and stuff like that.

Then since you are married, I'm sure sooner or later you are going to have kids. When the kids are small, you need to spend on diapers, food, medical expenses then later on their education. And maybe if they get into some sort of financial trouble you need to bail them out right?

And of course you need to have some cash in hand in case something bad happens. Save up for rainy days. But if everyone just save up for the wedding and not beyond that, I seriously have no idea what kind of future they are planning for with each other.

I am a guy and I don't intend to get married anytime soon for one reason and one reason alone. I can't even support myself. How can I support another person? Obviously when I get married, I want to give the best life I can for my wife and my kids but in my situation, it is not possible.

It's a moral obligation I hold on to. Obviously I want the girl's parents to have full faith in me that I am able to take care of their daughter. But what kind of trust are they going to have when I can't even take care of myself?

My mum always says this to me when the topic of marriage comes out. "Do you have the money?" I don't need her to remind me and she doesn't know that sadly. I don't wish to go through the same thing everyone else I know is going through. Divorce.

Bad enough I've been through more than my fair share of break ups and heart breaks. So when I am ready to settle down. I do not want it to end in divorce. I had enough heart breaks before married life. So for now all I plan to do is make sure I am certain I am able to stand on my own two feet before I have to carry the burden of marriage life. A burden I am more than happy to carry but not ready to carry.

~~~Sigh~~~

I don't know why but today I have lots to say. Second topic for today. Is for all the readers. (who are patient enough to read till this part thus far)

This is meant for everyone including myself. Question and situations I want everyone to ask themselves. We all have our bad times and hard times even times where we thought of suicide and such. You feel your world has gone dark on you. And you seek for your friends and families for help. Maybe not assist you solve your problems but at least hear you out. But sadly you find none. Everyone avoids you like the damn plague.

But when every thing is fine and the sun is shining bright. They come to you. Share the fun and joy and suddenly you feel so loved with so many friends around you. And one by one will come to you to seek for help with their problems and you do help them. Assisting them in what ever way you can within your powers and abilities. Interestingly, these are the same people who avoided you when you need them and when they are in need, you are their best friend and when you are in need, you are the damn plague.

Has any of you been in that situation? I believe everyone does. But I guess some of you (me included) never realised this. We are that friend at some point of our lives. Even now. Where are we when our friend needs us? where are we when we need them?

We avoid our friends when they need us and look for them for help and still they help us despite how we treated them. I am not perfect and I know at some point of my life I am guilty of such. But are any of you out there aware?

This I plead to all. A reminder to all and myself. When ever a friend is in need, help them in what ever way you can. Listen to them if they just need you to listen. Why can't we be there for them when they had for us? We all have problems in our lives but wouldn't it be better if we help each other with our problems?

But of course. When you help. Please use your brain. Don't help others do things that are illegal and against moral ethics. Instead of just helping them, you are getting yourself into trouble in which I don't think they will help you when you need them. Why trouble yourself with such? Don't bother helping if it involves drugs or beating up others or things that involves secret societies. Helping is one thing. Being smart is another thing. Because I know there are lots of people who have blind allegiance.

I hope I can get this message across to who ever reads this. Hopefully the message is spread.

Have any of you encountered a time of your life where everything you do bores you to death and nothing satisfies you?

Well right now that is what I am going through. Everything I do just does not satisfy me. I get bored so very easily lately and it frustrates me. And me being frustrated is not good at all.

I'm hungry. Hungry for something to satisfy my ever growing desire to be entertained and challenged. My brains are not getting any form of work out. My body is deteriorating. I'm unhappy with everything around me.

I thought getting a part time job would help but after the first day I realised that the kind of job given to me is totally not for me. Only my body gets a work out and my brain just idle. The main task is just unload cargo in which I only have to carry and "place" it on the conveyor belt. After the work, I only feel tired with no sense of satisfaction of a day well spent.

Every single time I look at job advertisement, the jobs that I believe would give me a mental challenge requires a diploma or degree of some sort. Damn it~~! Reminded of what my uncle said to me a few days ago. His boss has the cert but has no brain. Knows how to give orders but have no idea how to work and my uncle has to his boss' job instead.

Reminds me of my job interview where I didn't even last 5 minutes and a guy with Certificate In Office Skills who can type only 28 WORDS PER MINUTE! gets the job. 28 wpm? what the fuck? I can type 60 wpm and I don't get the job?

Seriously I wonder what is wrong with the world. Certificate overrides talent/skill. Emotions overrides logic and common sense. Riots at Thailand because of blind allegiance. How is the government is going to move forward when the citizens wants to stay put?

Racial discrimination is something almost unheard of but its still there taking in other forms. Religious discrimination because of some black sheeps who decides to be extremist and terrorist that others get the flak as well.

The cycle will never end. Instead of accepting and understanding those that are different, we shun them instead. Treat everyone with respect and everyone will do back the same but there are those despite we treating them with respect they decide to show us the middle finger.

I have no idea why I am burdened by all this as I have no power to change anything on a large scale. Seriously all I can do is play my part and hope others wake up on their own.

I don't hate people in general, I hate specific people. But I don't seek revenge, I just avoid them.

Something is seriously wrong with me. For the past 3-4 days, every time I sleep, I end up sleeping for 18hrs. I totally wasted my sunday. And I missed my chance to spend time with her!! DAMN IT!!!!! The entire day I was sleeping. I wonder what is wrong.

Ok, right now I am waiting for a letter from MINDEF. Standby to be charged. Again. Argh fuck! Nothing is going right at the moment. Wonder where and when shall I find a job where I'll enjoy working and find it challenging enough to entertain me everyday.

I am tired but not sleepy. Finally got myself a job. Part time at cargo. Better than just sitting home. The job is tiring. Not really for me but for the time being it's better than nothing. Physically demanding and not much of brain power. Bores me quickly. I prefer a job that keeps me on my toes knowing everyday is going to be different. In this line, everyday is more or less the same.


Anyway this is an update on what what happen on my birthday. Let the picture give you an idea what happen.

Damn I really got nothing to update here lately. Life's been pretty dull lately. Nothing much happening. Nothing much happening for me except that I miss that someone.

Well, I did saw her face a few times this past few days but its not the same as spending time with her. But what the hell, I'm not attached to her and she's busy as well. She got her own life too so I can't expect her to meet me all the time right?

All I want to do is meet her and talk. Just looking at her face is enough to make me smile. :) Cupid had struck me.

Ok earlier on had training and it sucks! I had a bad cramp on my right calf. I hate cramps! guess I pushed myself too hard. Again.

so after training I decided to go for Abg Hairie's Chalet. I came a bit late. The already sang happy birthday to him and those april baby (excluding me). Well what to do. I was saboed anyway. LoL~! I'll update the pics once I get it. :p

Thanks guys/girls for that short moment of fun and laughter.

Anyway she messaged me happy birthday quite late. Well, as long as she wished me, I'm happy. She wished me happy birthday again at msn and again at facebook. (the only one to do so in 3 different places) She's the only one I wanted to hear from and she did. Thanks for letting me end my birthday smiling. Sigh, I miss her.

Ok guys no photos for this simply because there is no photo's for my birthday. Just another average day starting off with me waking up at 4pm and getting ready to go for my RT at 5pm and going back at approx 9pm.

Anyway thank you guys and girls who had wished me happy birthday even though I had placed obvious reminders everywhere from MSN to Facebook. I wonder how many actually did remember. But lets be fair, I'll give you guys a benefit of a doubt. :p

Update more later, I'm already late for training~~!

Its really weird. The friends I have around me always seems to be excited when they are about to celebrate their birthdays. They would be having chalets or parties or at least spend time with their loved ones.

Me? seriously I never enjoyed my birthdays. It's the same thing year in year out. Sit at home and my mum would order KFC. This year is going to be slightly different but just slightly. Going to Bedok Camp for training on my birthday. Well 6 years ago, I had to book in to Tekong on my birthday, 5 years ago I was on MC and well yeah, sit at home eat KFC.

I get envious of people saying "hey I got this for my (insert age) birthday)" and things like that. Fuck~! I don't even remember what I got for which birthday because I don't recall receiving anything!

So tommorrow, Expect the normal Zahri but feeling all fucked up deep inside. :D

But today, what succumbs to me is not anger or hatred but more to sadness. Went to visit the grave this morning. Cleaned my late grand-parents graves and offer prayers for them. Sigh, I miss them so badly especially my late grand-mother. May God bless their souls and protect them from pain and suffering of the after-life and forgive their sins. Amin~

this is written for someone.
inspired by her in a way.
i think she will know who she is and where i get the inspiration. =x

Here i am at the door
at that cottage made of stone
i hope you won't ignore
this feeling in me that had grown

here i wait by the door
in the cottage you stay asleep
days without you are a sore
and those days slowly creep

here i wait by the door
for you to open your eyes
and open for me your door
and you'll know these aren't lies

here i stand by the door
smiling at your face
there's nothing i want more
by your side always

Well guess what. Tonight someone spoilt my night. I have no idea such an idiot could really exist.

idiot: Zahri.. asal tak turun?
me: ada apa?
idiot: (insert name) nye b'day
me: oh.. i dunno..
idiot: (insert name) tak bilang?
me: nope.. satu hari my hp senyap... (in the first place.. if i was informed.. I WOULD HAVE KNOWN~~!!!)

cont...

me: i only know of (insert name) chalet this monday...
idiot: ko turun tak?
me: tengok dulu ah... i got training...
idiot: habis what time?
me: 10 maybe?
idiot: alah.. tanak turun pasal tanak kena sabo kan?
me: i said tengok dulu..
me: ko tak fikir ke orang nye penat lepas training???

people like this really ticks me off. Seriously, the closer I get to my birthday, the more fucked up I become. Unless someone can brighten up my day. coz every year, I "celebrate" it by myself. (usually no one remembers even if i tried to remind them.)

well nazzy, I may be happy go lucky but I am never constantly happy inside. just so you know. ;) by the way, can't wait to hear your rendition of that song for that "special" girl. LoL~~!!

so many things on my mind, wish I could type it all out.

finally got what i wanted.. ok gonna update more soon.. i am going to take a short nap.. need to wake someone up... :D and i got training later...

so this is my curent birthday present wishlist if any of u are interested...


Oakley Blade














Razer Mamba
















Razer Lycosa

its been a while since i ever had a blog.. so i need to get use to this.. so forgive me people if it suck..

2 days to go.. damn i feel old.. turning a quarter of a century old.. still got lots to do.. so little time..

today had a bit of fun despite staying at home the entire day and spending quite some time video calling with nazzy... had a few good laughs.. well.. she said she found me happy go lucky.. wonder how true that is... well announcement to all.. i am happy go lucky with lots of worries inside.. ;)

ok.. right now trying to learn how to do this shit.. LoL~~! having a terrible time.. so this entry would serve as a test entry... LoL~~!