I remember clearly. The last match we played. The decisive match for the Qualifiers. All 4 teams needed a win to secure a spot. All 4 teams were tied with 3 points. We lost. Getting bunkered in the snake was never a good feeling. The paint in my mouth really add salt to the wound. I was pissed. I was upset. I was feeling bitter. Now, looking at the standings in Div 4. It pains me we were placed 12th out of 30 teams. Pains me more that we managed to beat the 3rd placing team and we are so far off. We should be up there.

I recall clearly. Sitting by the the field with Benny keeping company. I was trying to hold my tears. Frustration building up. Wondering where we gone wrong. Ahmad once said "Legend has it you are the fastest snake around". The legend remained a legend. I didn't feel I did enough. I strongly feel I could do better. I could be faster. Aim better.

Back to the players area. I sat down quietly, smoking away. The entire team was quiet. I can sense how upset they were. They all felt the same. We should be up there and not sitting here quietly wondering what could have happen. Zai from Rampage Onslaught came down, cheering us up. Telling us we had fought hard. He came to me. Said a few comforting words. I broke down. First time I cried in front of my friends. It's a wierd feeling.

Staying back to face my misery. I helped Rampage Onslaught. Watching their games all the way to the 3rd/4th placing match. I was so tempted to get back into the field. I was so tempted to let out my disappointment. Standing outside the field near the snake. I knew that snake was mine. I could easily took out a number of their opponents. Sadly, it wasn't my team that was playing.

Looking at Rampage Onslaught. Their family and loved ones were there. A lil jealousy seeped in. Made me wonder if any of my loved ones would give me such support. Wonder if ever I'd find a girl who would support me in this sport. The feeling of losing that final match really brought me to a whole new low.

Remembering that moment I broke down. How I wish there was someone to hug me tight. Tell me it's ok. Tell me there is a next time. Tell me she loves me regardless. Tell me I struck fear in the opponents. I can only imagine that ever happening.

I told myself. I am gonna get better. Faster. I am going to come back to WCA in 2011 with a vengeance. Next year. Division 3. Now my trusted snake back has left for Australia. Training won't be the same. With him behind me, I can do my job without worry. Now I need to get better. So next time. He can do more than just cover me. I am the knife. I am going to be that heat seeking missile. Fire and forget. Till that day he returns and join us in Langkawi. I am gonna up my level of play. I want to learn to play every position. Make myself more useful. Give the team more options to play.

I just wanna Paintball. I couldn't be bothered with anything else much now. Not even for a girl. Lonely, true. But at least not on the field. It's lonely up there but my team got my back. I do the dirty job. They finish it up for me. My name is Kuku. The snake is mine!